Tag Archives: wife

Tres AƱos

Minutes before our wedding ceremony the pastor said to me, “You’re the most calm groom I’ve ever seen.”

I looked at him and without hesitation said, “When you’re beat, you’re beat.”

This was three years ago. Happy anniversary to the greatest wife and mom!

Happy Anniversary v2.0!

Today marks two years since I perfected my hypnotism technique and married Michelle. Things really haven’t changed in our house very much. We’re still the same as always.

Me: Happy anniversary!
Michelle: Happy anniversary!
Me: Were we supposed to get each other anything? I didn’t get you anything.
Michelle: Oh. I didn’t get you anything either.
Me: Oh, wait! I did get you something. I got you pregnant!

What can I say? I’m a giver.

Looking Good for the In-Laws

I have to fly out on a business trip early Wednesday morning. That means I have to be at the airport at about 5:00 AM. Michelle and I had dinner with my parents last week and the trip came up in conversation.

Mom: When are you leaving?
Me: Early Wednesday morning.
Mom: Do you need a ride to the airport?
Me: No, it’s too early. I was just going to take a shuttle.
Mom: I can take you.
Michelle: I can take you.
Me: You sure? It’s early.
Michelle: Yes.
Me: Okay then we’ll do that.

This morning the conversation was quite different.

Me: Don’t forget we have to go real early to the airport on Wednesday.
Michelle: Awww, man!
Me: Did you just offer to take me after my mom offered so you’d look like a good wife?
Michelle: Yeah. Can you take a shuttle? And also tell your mom I took you?


Marital Bliss

In the car on the way to lunch, Michelle kept saying to herself, “Okay, I’m going to eat ramen.” I asked her what she was doing and she said it’s how she knows whether she really wants to eat something. She keeps telling herself the same thing over and over until it sounds good in her head. That’s when she knows she really is on board with an idea.

Michelle: I did the same thing for getting married. I want to get married. I want to get married. I want to get married.
Me: So when did you get on board with the idea that you wanted to be married?
Michelle: About two months ago.

Someone’s sleeping on the couch.

Creating a Budget

Me: We need to create a budget for ourselves. We can’t be spending like we did when we were in an apartment.
Michelle: I wish we had a sugar daddy.

We’re taking applications right now.

I have the best wife in the world!

Some of you may have seen Michelle’s tweet a couple days ago.

I don’t know what possessed her to look up the product again, but apparently it’s no longer sold out on the pre-order! While your wife will never be as good as mine, you can at least have your Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite Ice Cube Trays!

Buy a House. Get a Wife.

The Chinese are always getting into crazy schemes with their crazy business practices. They are trying a “buy a house, get a wife free” business proposition. I think they might get more business if they offer to take your wife when you buy a house.

I love that someone noted, ” the girls on offer are not that attractive.” Sign me up!