I haven’t posted in about a week, and I do have a few things saved up, but after that I may not be posting about food for a little while. Why? Because I thought the best way to get a scalding hot piece of tofu out of my mouth would be to swallow it. Here’s the run down of how it happened.
Hot! Hot! Hot! Quick, swallow it. There, now it’s not burning my mouth. Now it’s slowly sliding down my esophagus, burning away layers until it finally comes to rest in my stomach where it still hasn’t cooled down any. Quick get some water! Crap, there’s only ice left in my cup! Why won’t this ice melt faster when there’s a furnace in my stomach?!
Currently it hurts to swallow anything, including water. Carbonated drinks make things much worse, not going down, but coming back up. Normally the urge to let out a belch is only felt as air makes its way to the upper part of esophagus in the chest, waiting to be expelled. Now I can tell when I have to burp long before that. It starts as a burning sensation in my stomach. That’s the worst part. Then it slowly travels up hurting only slightly less than in my belly, finally being released in a a non traditional sound, a whimper and a sigh.
For those of you that think meat is murder, add tofu to that list. I’m pretty sure beer for me is out of the question for a while, because of the carbonation. That statement alone kills me a little on the inside.
I’m not sure which of the two pieces of tofu is the culprit, but mark my words. Tofu, you will pay for this.