Tag Archives: sex

Rethinking this marriage thing…

Best Man: im gonna totally lie and make u look like the best guy ever
Me: if i dont cry i want my money back.
Best Man: if u werent married u would totally get laid
Best Man: after my speech
Me: but since im getting married
Me: i wont
Me: ever

My Best Man is married. There was no disagreement to my statement. Wait a second…

Faster than a speeding bullet.

In celebration of its upcoming browser release, which is set to be a great speed improvement, Firefox has been showing off other faster people (scroll down). Couldn’t they pick any cooler ways to display speed? Perhaps an athletic feat? I could upload a video to show off my speed, but I think that would just be embarassing to my manhood. Plus it would require an 18+ check on the website.

Back on topic. I’m excited for the final version of this browser to be released. Should be zippy.

So Many Questions

img_4975

Is the car a mobile business? Where can I hire someone for such services? Who is Ted? Was the car a gift for services rendered? Is the value of the car a reflection of the quality of work?

Meat for Sex

Scientists have studied Chimpanzee groups and noted that when males share meat with females, they are more likely to mate with those males. It’s not an instantaneous transaction.

“Honey, I brought meat home. Let’s get it on!”

I wonder if there are different grades of meat that Chimps can bring to their prospective mates. Rats probably don’t fetch as much favor as monkey meat. It’s sort of like giving a girl a boquet of carnations.

Humans are above trading themselves for meat. Instead we trade other people for meat and beer. This is what separates us from the animals.

Is the Problem Japan or Marriage?

I ran across this article, and it almost made me laugh. Then it made me feel sad for the Japanese. As I looked closer, the article mentioned that it surveyed married couples in Japan. Is this really an issue isolated to Japan, or is this about married people not having sex? I bet if the survey dug a little deeper they would find that single employees are still making time for their bodily needs. If this is such a problem, companies should just host happy hours for their employees and send them home all liquored up and ready for action. It might even provide for more crazy game show ideas. If you don’t understand why that’s awesome, Google it.

I wish someone would urge me to go leave work early to have sex or just to play Rock Band on my couch in my underwear.

Peace Through Weapons

Talk about shooting a beer. I love how the sight on this gun is a peace sign. If they could combine this gun with a cannon that fires slutty women or a bomb that disperses baby back ribs, enlistment lines would be very long. People would quickly forget their differences during battle and share a meal, a brew, and a woman. Hmm, maybe that slutty women cannon better fire condoms too, so we’re not accused of biological warfare when Herpes starts going around the enemies military camps.

We’re Not a Sex Shop

I have a quote request for the following item.

Repair Kit: Includes 2 Diaphragms, 4 Balls, 9 O-Rings, Lube