Tag Archives: money

Creating a Budget

Me: We need to create a budget for ourselves. We can’t be spending like we did when we were in an apartment.
Michelle: I wish we had a sugar daddy.

We’re taking applications right now.

Billionaires make it rain from clouds of charity.

It’s a well known fact that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are two of the world’s richest men. Some people also know that they are not giving the majority of their fortunes as an inheritance to their children. They are donating most of it to charity both now and after they leave this earth. Now they are encouraging other wealthy Americans to do the same with The Giving Pledge. They’re specifically targeting billionaires, probably because it’s probably too tough to get rappers to commit to the pledge because they need icy hot chains. Cash Money Millionaires, you’re safe. But they’re coming for you Oprah, Walmart family, and Google executives!

I have to say it’s refreshing to know that there are people that understand the limits of wealth. When you have so much wealth that there’s no way you can possibly spend it all, giving it away is a sight I welcome. Good for anyone that commits to this pledge. I hope one day to be able to commit to such a noble cause, because that also means I will be so filthy, stinking rich that I won’t know what to do with my money. Right now just being filthy and stinking doesn’t cut it.

About time we got a cool President

Here is number two in my Photoshop ability. President Yo’bama. I won’t explain how this one was done. It’s pretty obvious.

obamagrill

No wonder we’re in so much financial trouble with his expensive taste in icy hot grills.

obamablltw6

Fortunately he has a stimulus package. Make it rain! [Woooha! who actually took it from me first I think]

Taiwan Makes it Rain

Apparently 55 year-old Taiwanese men are the new rappers of the world. A man was arrested for making it rain in the middle of traffic. I’m just hoping these aren’t my brother’s in-laws.

Obama’s Stimulus Package

obamarain

Make it rain!

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Don’t Earn More. Spend Less.

My dad always taught me something growing up, and I’d like to share that pearl of wisdom with you. You don’t get rich by spending money. There’s nothing wrong with earning a lot, but most people spend faster than they can earn. For all of you with dreaming of being rich, start living poor. Sorry. No long yachts, no spinner rims, and no icy hot chains. Keep it simple. It’s the saving mindset that gets you to a point of wealth.

Today I decided to grab a burger at the drive-thru. As I pulled away with my change to the next window I looked at my change. I though I got a new state quarter, because it was so shiny. Wrong! It was a Canadian coin. I popped the car in reverse and waved to get the cashier’s attention.

“Excuse me. I got a Canadian coin instead of a quarter.”

This may seem like a lot of hassle for so little money, but every bit counts. So the next time you walk past a quarter on the floor, pick it up. Even if it’s “just a dime” it’s still worth the risk that someone has superglued it to the floor and you will look like a fool trying to pick it up. A few more times and you’ve got yourself a dollar.

Congratulations, you’re one dollar closer to being rich. Now how about buying me lunch, Mr. Big Bucks?

Virginity for Sale. Self Respect Thrown in Free.

I ran across this story a while ago, but I decided to write about it finally. A student that wants to get her master’s degree but doesn’t have the finances to go after it, will raise money by selling herself off at a brothel. I’d like to call a spade a spade and call her a hooker, but she is a virgin. She’s not a hooker until she gets her first sale.

If I am going to pay for any kind of services, I want a professional. Why would I pay good money to have some amateur fumble around figuring things out? Her sister sounds like she has more work experience.

In addition to the lack of mastery of the craft, she is hoping to have bids hit one million dollars. Perhaps she should have taken some more business/marketing classes instead of sitting in college talking about feelings.

Wads of Cash

During all of this new house chaos, we did find something important out. My bank account was not owned jointly with anyone else. The problem was that no one had access to my finances if something happened to me. So I put my dad onto my account, and it’s been awesome. I can have him run to the bank for me and deposit my checks and get cash for me. The only problem is when he fails to follow instructions. He just came back from the bank and instead of depositing my check, he cashed it and handed me a large fold of bills. He didn’t even get big bills. I’m sitting lopsided in my chair right now.

Poor Me

Well, I’m gearing up to make aggressive payments on the new home with my parents. In doing so, I have started to look over my past credit card statements to create a budget. Some conclusions I’ve come to are that I spend a lot of money on food and gas. This doesn’t even include my cash purchases, which is what I usually use when going out to bars. Going out on the town costs lots of money. It’s time to tighten up the belt. I will be eating sandwiches for lunch, possibly even a bowl of cereal. It will be tough, but you can all help me out as well.

First, when we hang out, we should always stay in as much as possible. This eliminates the high cost of buying drinks and food. When staying in, please try to host events at your places so I don’t have to use my electricity. In the event that we do have to have something at my place, please bring candles and car batteries if you want to do any activity involving electronics.

If we do have to go out, girls should bring premixed drinks in water bottles, hidden in their purses. Cups of ice can be obtained at the bar for free and drinks can be mixed in a dark corner of the bar. Every attempt should be made to steal tips left on the bar when the bartender is not looking.

All birthdays falling around the same time should be consolidated into a single celebration for the whole quarter. Holidays should be consolidated in as well. It will work as follows.

Early Months – Annie, Ariane, Desiree Tim, Vivian
Summer – Alice, Angie, Harrison, Kyung, Matt, Mirei
Fall – Fred, Halloween, Lorenzo, Randall
November – Michelle, Thanksgiving, Vicky
December – Jesus, New Year, Shum, Spencer, Susan

If I missed you, just stick your celebration in with one of the preceding groups. I don’t really care when your actual birth date is, just as long as you don’t expect a gift. I’m poor, remember?

Instead of putting out recycling for curbside pickup, please just drive by my house instead and drop cans and other goods that can be redeemed for money on my lawn. This will be an invaluable source of income.