Tag Archives: microsoft

Fuck You, Microsoft

Running Windows is like having a closet full of shoes with laces you cannot tie. You know you can’t run around barefoot so you have to wear them. You look down at your feet and think, “I’m eventually going to trip and fall, but there’s nothing I can do about it. If only they used Velcro…” Yet version after version they never change things. Instead they expect you to figure out the workarounds. Duct tape the laces. Try staples or zip ties.

Today my office tripped and fell. Here it is, Microsoft. Fuck you!

No wonder gas prices are so high.

Gas stations are busy paying to fix these things.


Seriously, Microsoft? You can’t even get the displays on the gas stations to work properly. What kind of curve balls are thrown your way on this device? There isn’t even any user input on these things.

Microsoft Just Isn’t Cool

When will Microsoft learn that it is not cool. It’s not about whether the software they write works. (A lot of it doesn’t.) No one brags about running Windows. Their latest campaign makes a nice attempt to making Windows seem easy and fun to use.

Let me tell you what is wrong with this particular commercial. You might have missed it, distracted by cute little girl. The child they are using is not a normal little girl. She may be four, but she is a genius and probably has her PhD in quantum physics. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the commercial again. She is emailing her mom and dad. She’s living on her own!

So really, this commercial doesn’t make people want to have a computer that runs Windows. It makes people want a little Asian girl.

Microsoft Records?

As a typical Apple user I have to bash Microsoft. It comes with the territory. Windows gets most of the hate. Microsoft isn’t all bad as far as products go. Microsoft Office is an excellent office suite, which is only just now being matched by products like OpenOffice. Their keyboard and mouse group make excellent products. Some of the software they have in their labs looks very promising, like Photosynth.

One of their releases from the labs is getting a lot of attention. Unfortunately it’s not the good kind of attention. Microsoft released a piece of audio software called SongSmith. It allows you to sing into your computer microphone and then uses its artificial intelligence to select appropriate backing music. Apparently computers have the same taste in music as 10-year old. I’m not sure if some of the results are hilarious or just painful.

Time to Dump Microsoft Office…For Real

Are you tired of paying for Microsoft Office? Maybe you don’t pay for it and you’re just tired of trying to circumvent the registration while pirating it. No more!

OpenOffice 3.0 has been released. Actually it’s not officially released until Monday, but the servers have the final copy up already. It’s a free alternative to Microsoft Office that I have been running since version 2.0, but this latest version shows a vast improvement on the polish and ease of use. It’s the first version I would say is usable by the masses. Grab your Windows copy here. What’s even better is that this version of OpenOffice is now Mac OS X native for all you running Intel processors.

Why should you care about open source? Open source breeds competition and improvement. Not everyone gets that, so let’s boil it down to something everyone understands, the dollar. Open source is free. Tell the boss you can save the company a ton of money and implement open source. Then ask him for a percentage of the money you save the company.

Why You Should Run Firefox

Everyone and their mom has a browser out there now. So which one is best? (Save yourself some time, read the title, and scroll down to the good part.)

Firefox. It browses just as well as any browser, not really much better. So what makes it better? Add-ons! Third party developers can create themes and plugins to enhance the functionality of the browser, and they have created a lot. It could be something as basic as blocking ads that almost everyone can get behind, or it could be something specific like an iTunes controller in your browser so you don’t have to stop browsing to change the song playing.

Here are some of the plugins I use to make my browsing experience so much greater.

Foxmarks. Creat an account at foxmarks.com, install the plugin on a couple browsers, and you now have synchronized bookmarks. Bookmark a page, and when you get home you can browse the same page.

AdBlock Plus. Install and browse the web, free of advertisements. You’ll notice a lot of pages load faster with this plugin, because you’re not waiting for ad content to load before the rest of the page.

TwitterBar. This is not for everyone, but it adds the ability to post to your Twitter account, right from the address bar of Firefox. It’s nice and handy when you’re browsing the web and a thought pops into your head that belongs in a Tweet.

TinyUrl Creator. Hand in hand with Twitter, TinyUrl is necessary to keep yourself under the 140 character limit. The problem is the hassle of having to copy the address to your clipboard, load the TinyURL website, and submit the address. Now, you can be succinct AND lazy.

Firebug. This plugin is a must for anyone who edits or designs websites. It allows you to look at the code of a page while simultaneously viewing the rendered page to see how it’s built. Putting your mouse over the sections of the code shows you which section of the page it renders.

8aweek. I both love and hate this plugin at the same time. You know how you it’s supposed to cut down your food consumption if you took pictures of everything you ate? This is supposed to do that by showing you exactly how much you browse. If just the sheer number of minutes spent browsing weren’t enough to deter you, you can set up a list of restricted sites and limit your daily alotted browsing to them. Get you life back from your browser with the help of your browser.

Everyone has different browsing habits, but Firefox has plugins for everyone. Ask me and I can point some out to you or just take a look in the directory.

I Totally Got Some Last Night…Online

I came across this image online, and I had to share it with you guys. This is the prototype controller for the Xbox 360 game, Vagina Hero. If the game is anything like the controller, it looks intense and confusing.

I can already imagine the posts in the support forums.

“So which of these buttons is the clitoris?”
“What’s this blue one do? Oh, for the love of god! Why?!”
“I figured an easy cheat in the game. Just press the red button as fast as you can to get a high score.”
“Am I supposed to play this game with my hands?”

Farewell, Mr. Gates!

As much as I bash Microsoft for their monopolistic practices and creating products that hinder intellectual advancement of software, I admire Bill Gates. Bill came up with some revolutionary computing ideas and made them a reality. So it is sad for me to see him retire today. Since he gave up control of Microsoft, it has been playing catch up in a lot of arenas. Still, he is much more than just his Microsoft legacy. I hope he will continue to march on in his philanthropic endeavors as well. I salute you, Mr. Gates and all your accomplishments.

PS. The Zune sucks nuts. Seriously, do any of you know who owns one of those?