Tag Archives: marriage

Grown Up Discussions

Me: Man, I can’t believe daycare went up in price over 100% when it changed ownership.
Michelle: Maybe we should apply for financial aid. Then we can stay.
Me: It’s income based. We don’t qualify.
Michelle: Too bad I can’t apply with just my salary. Man, why did we get married?
Me: I ask myself that question every day.

Happy Anniversary v2.0!

Today marks two years since I perfected my hypnotism technique and married Michelle. Things really haven’t changed in our house very much. We’re still the same as always.

Me: Happy anniversary!
Michelle: Happy anniversary!
Me: Were we supposed to get each other anything? I didn’t get you anything.
Michelle: Oh. I didn’t get you anything either.
Me: Oh, wait! I did get you something. I got you pregnant!

What can I say? I’m a giver.

Marital Bliss

In the car on the way to lunch, Michelle kept saying to herself, “Okay, I’m going to eat ramen.” I asked her what she was doing and she said it’s how she knows whether she really wants to eat something. She keeps telling herself the same thing over and over until it sounds good in her head. That’s when she knows she really is on board with an idea.

Michelle: I did the same thing for getting married. I want to get married. I want to get married. I want to get married.
Me: So when did you get on board with the idea that you wanted to be married?
Michelle: About two months ago.

Someone’s sleeping on the couch.

I’m married…again.

We got a letter in the mail this week saying we never used the marriage license we applied for about sixty days ago. We had a wedding that cost me lots of money. Of course we’re married! Aren’t we?

I started digging through some paper only to find our marriage license, filled out by our officiant, but without witness signatures. Flipping it over indicated that this had to be returned within 10 days of the marriage. We’ve been married for a month and a half already! Oh wait. We’re not married. Well we’ve been something for a month and a half already!

We had our best man and maid of honor sign the sheet and we went to court this morning to see if we needed to get married again. I told Michelle that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to remember two anniversaries.

As we pulled up to the the guard said, “Here to get a wedding license? I can tell by the smiles on your faces.” I quickly responded, “No, we’ve already been married for a month and a half. We’re miserable. We’re just here to submit paperwork to make it official.” He laughed as we went on our way to figure out our fate.

We stood in line behind multiple couples eagerly awaiting to get their licenses. I wondered if I should warn them about turning in their paperwork on time but figured they should experience the confusion themselves. As we waited Michelle said to me, “If we have to get another marriage license and get married, maybe I can keep my name this time? Woo! is getting really popular.” I shook my head no and told her, “We don’t have to get married if you don’t want.”

After all that, it was for nothing. It turns out while the marriage license says it’s good for 90 days and needs to be returned within 10 days of the marriage, the office will take the license up to a year after it’s issued. What a headache. They really need to change their paperwork, because I know we’re not the only ones who have been confused by this.

Looking back on all this, it really makes no difference. Married or not, I’m with Michelle. I told her, “We’re married no matter what anyone says. You’re my wife” She smiled at me as I added, “Now why don’t you go finish the dishes.”

Communication

This is a rare post in which I take Michelle’s advice to talk about my feelings. Don’t believe the hype.

As you may be aware, Michelle and I have been taking premarital counseling. So far we haven’t gotten the veto to get married. That’s a win in my book.

This past session’s topic was on love languages, how we give and receive love. Unfortunately, Na’vi is not one of the love languages as someone suggested. We had to rank how we receive love and how our partner receives love. We nailed it. Both of us knows exactly how the other one wants to be loved.

Still while we understand each other’s love languages, it’s still hard to communicate it. We all perceive the world different and though we may think it makes perfect sense, it may not translate that well to another individual. She may say, “Do you want to do something fun tonight?” I will hear, “Do you want to play video games while I clean the house and serve you beer while topless?” Maybe that’s an extreme example, but the concept is still accurate.

There’s not magic trick in understanding your partner, just a lot of hard work in paying attention, but something tells me I should hurry up and get the couch for our place so I don’t have to sleep on the floor when there’s a misunderstanding.

Premarital counseling. Probably as boring as it sounds.

Tonight is the first session of premarital counseling for Michelle and me. Apparently a shared love for being intoxicated is not enough. I don’t have any idea what to expect, but I hope to get through all the sessions without being given the recommendation not to get married.

In order to prepare myself, I will be quizzing Michelle on the car ride over. What is your favorite color? Do you have any history of heart disease in your family? If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? We’re totally going to win this counseling thing.

I could also take the approach my friend suggested and answer everything ambiguously gay.

Pandora’s Little Blue Box

I recently came to the realization that I am not afraid of moving forward in my relationship. I told Michelle to figure out what kind of ring style she would like. This was two and a half weeks ago.

Since then she has posted this and this. I’ve created a monster. There is a marked difference between not being ready to move forward and racing forward. I am not looking to be the Michael Phelps of relationships. When she came back from Hawaii and said, “I planned out the whole wedding,” Not even one Star Wars themed idea. Not one. She even contemplated going to a wedding dress sample sale this weekend.

I’ve pulled the reigns on this thing before the horse gets in front of the cart. The last thing I want is to propose and have Michelle call a wedding planner first. “Green light! It’s a go! Okay, I have to go call my parents now.”

Things I Learned This Week

I can’t get an iPhone. I borrowed an iPhone just to use Twitter in a place where I had no reception. I had to go to three screens just to type my password because of the combination of letters, numbers, and special characters.

Asking, “Do you still want to get married some day?” and getting a yes response does not constitute an easy, no-ring marriage proposal.

Every time Los Angeles wins a sports championship, there will be riots. We do not have the fortune to shuttle our minorities out of the city via bridge like San Francisco or by tunnel like New  York.

Buy a House. Get a Wife.

The Chinese are always getting into crazy schemes with their crazy business practices. They are trying a “buy a house, get a wife free” business proposition. I think they might get more business if they offer to take your wife when you buy a house.

I love that someone noted, ” the girls on offer are not that attractive.” Sign me up!

Gay Marriage is the Answer

I ran across this article a while back and have been meaning to write about it. What’s the big deal? Practically everyone gets divorced in this day and age. This is not proof that gays should not be allowed to get married. This is proof that no one should be allowed to get married. It provides no benefit for a relationship.

It does, however, provide, a good stimulus to the economy. What they need to do is legalize gay marriage everywhere. It will boost our economy on the wedding side and the divorce side. Recession solved.

Marriage is gay. Apparently so is divorce.