Tag Archives: health

Big Food

I’ve started my new year’s resolution to lose some weight and get in better shape. In order to help myself I am watching Food Inc. and Supersize Me during my sick day at home in order to develop some irrational hatred for food.

Food Inc. is more about big business and the efficiencies that slip through their fingers as they tighten their grip to gain efficiency. It just happens to be about the food industry. It makes me want to start a vegetable garden and raise some chickens in my backyard just to stick it to the man.

I haven’t eaten a whole lot of fast food recently, because I know it’s not good for me. Supersize Me just seemed to be one of those documentaries about doing dumb things just to get some attention. We all know the food at fast food restaurants is bad for you. Cut it out.

All this movie watching has made me hungry. I’m going to get something to eat, but not McDonald’s. I’m going to In-N-Out!

Give me 12 cc’s of Pr0n, stat!

This is just too good to be true. In healthy doses, testosterone has beneficial properties for the male body including muscle strength and mass. The good news is that you may not have to take pills for this anymore. You can get your dose through watching a porno.

The next time you come over and my bedroom door is locked, don’t assume I’m a pervert. I’m work on being healthy.

I’m Wasting Away Here

My trip to Michigan was tiring as hell, but you already knew that. Even though I was tired there was something that put a smile on my face. One of the employees at the factory, who is in charge of a lot of the hospitality of incoming groups saw me and immediately said, “Did you lose weight?” Like a real man that never steps on a scale, I have no idea. I said, “No, I think it’s all still there.” She still had a look of disbelief as if I had dropped twenty pounds.

I know no one in my office notices. Maybe they’re not noticing it, because we see me regularly. They can’t see the slow metamorphosis I am undergoing. I will eventually be a modern day Greek god, you know one of those statues with big muscles and equally big undercarriages.

The Last Man on Earth…at Work

So, most of you are sleeping in bed right now while I write this. To that I say, “Up yours, people!” Today is mostly a catch up day as a lot of the people we work with aren’t even working today. So instead of catching up, I will be posting on my website, possibly the last post of the year.  I will pontificate about the upcoming year.

First, let’s start off by making it a point not to tell people when you write the wrong year when you date documents. Everyone does it. Nobody cares. Let’s save everyone the annoyance and leave it at that.

Now let us talk about resolutions. Bettering yourself is always a good goal, but it’s so damn hard. I was going for the goal of making myself so bad over a few years that any improvement would be a piece of cake for future resolutions. I guess nothing good comes easy, so I should just make my goals to improve myself.

There’s always the goal to be healthier, but that does pose a problem for me this year. I’ve already been fitted for my tuxedo for my brother’s wedding. If I eat right and exercise regularly, I won’t fit into the tux, and I’ll ruin the whole wedding. I can’t have that, can I? I most certainly can not.

So I guess what I’m saying is that I’ll worry about it next year. Until then, you’re stuck with the same, crappy me that you’ve grown to tolerate.