Sorry, kids. I lied. There was a Santa Claus, but he died back in 2000 after a tough battle with a combination of The Bird Flu and Gonorrhea. It was a tough year for us all but especially for Santa.
The good news is that you can still spread Christmas joy to others, especially me. I have compiled my Christmas Wish List once again this year. Sorry I didn’t give you a lot of notice, but I know you guys can make it happen. If you miss the Christmas deadline, that’s alright. It will be my Birthday List after December 25th anyway.
I hate getting static shock. It has become somewhat of an obsession. This could even be considered borderline obsessive/compulsive. On days that feel dry, I will touch tap the tip of my key to my car door before grabbing the handle. If there is wood on a door, I will touch that before grabbing a metal handle. It’s pretty pathetic. Sometimes I just tell myself that it’s just a shock and I get over it. Well, now I won’t have to these things anymore. The people at Think Geek understand me. This will be on my gift list.
In my other browsing, Google says spam seems to be on a decline. While no figures are released, they say the spam attempts are down. This probably only goes for the Gmail domain, which has great filtering. Spammers probably went to work on domains that are more lax with spam, like hotmail.com and yahoo.com. When was the last time you got spam in your inbox on a Gmail account? Those of you not on Gmail should switch for that reason alone.
Could a company run without formal advertising or marketing? Premium Cola seems to think so. It’s a German company started when people became disappointed with Afri-Cola, the leading cola manufacturer at the time. It’s an interesting concept. It’s just sad to see blond haired, blue eyed Germans always sticking it to the Afri-Colans.
Are you sick of needing reading glasses? I have been blessed with good vision, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand your struggles. I’ve figured out a way to fix your vision. Just shoot yourself in the eye with this ultrasonic gun. It might not be the best idea. Maybe you just need squinty Japanese eyes to shield you from some of the blasts. This will not be on my list.
If you’re too scared, you can try $40.00 glasses. Apparently they’re all the rage right now with optical stores charging so much for glasses. Maybe I’ll get some without prescription lenses and get my Clark Kent look going. I was thinking about these ones. Hell, I’ll probably just print out the PDF and tape it to some cardboard and wear that.
The last and final thing I ran across in my browsing is the “Black Hole” Phone Bag. When your wife is nagging you to pick up the kids, just slip your phone into this little pouch and continue watching the game at the bar with your buddies. I bet you could even hang up on a conversation by sliding the phone in while you’re talking on it. You’ll be back to your game before the person on the line has realized you’ve stop saying, “Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.”