I was sent this story about an invention that is going to change our lives forever. Vodka pills! Probably the greatest selling point of this is obvious. No peeing! Now you can party all night long without spending half the night waiting in line for the bathroom.
It might be harder to pick up girls with the line, “Can I buy you some pills?” I also foresee a lot of very mad people on the town when they realize they brought Smarties to the party instead of their vodka pills.
At least you can finally call your drinking problem a drug problem. It sounds way more edgy.
Well, I’m no long draining snot out of my nose constantly. My sinuses seem to be dripping down the back of my throat now, which causes me to cough all day. It gets really bad at night when I’m trying to sleep. In the morning I get to hock up some pretty gross stuff. I’ll spare you all any pictures.
The good news is that I found my bottle of codeine cough syrup from the last time I was sick. Remember to keep your codeine when you get a prescription even if you get better. You never know when it will come in handy. The last time my dad was really sick, I had to call all my friends’ parents for codeine, like I was some junkie looking for a score. I do remember from other people in college that codeine mixed with alcohol is supposed to give a really awesome buzz. Anyone want to party with the sick kid?
Scientists have come up with a nasal spray containing a hormone that relieves the effects of sleep deprivation in monkeys. No sleep? Just spray?
If it were a drug store shelf product, it would probably be expensive, so I would want to save it for only the most important times. No, I wouldn’t waste it on all those nights I stayed up writing lines of code until the sun came up. If I had this while at college, I would definitely have more stories about weekend trips to Vegas and Tijuana.
I ran across this article on how scientists are now able to turn on homosexual behavior and turn it off. Here’s a clip from the article.
“A new study finds that both drugs and genetic manipulation can turn the homosexual behavior of fruit flies on and off within a matter of hours.”
Does anyone else realize what a gold mine this is here if they can apply this to humans? Think with me for a moment. You can pop a pill and you’re gay. It’s perfect for housekeeping. You’d have the most immaculately clean house, and well decorated as well. Before watching The Notebook or Waitress, go ahead and pop a pill and you can have yourself a fabulous movie watching experience. I’m investing in whatever pharmaceutical company makes this drug.
Like a lot of medications, these pills should come with warnings though. Instead of the standard warning about operating heavy machinery, there can be a warning about shopping while using these pills or using the pills before your buddy’s Super Bowl party. Imagine going shopping and coming back with shirts with Elton John’s face plastered across the chest or commenting, “I sure like his tight end.”
With any drug there are risks and side effects. As a straight man, you just don’t want to be the guy that gets stuck in gay form for too long. It’s like the guy, who has the 36-hour erection caused by Viagra. Luck would probably have it that the guy, who gets stuck in homosexual form will be that way before he meets his future in laws in an attempt to groom himself nicely for the first impression.
Science, you have brought us many great things and now this. I applaud you.