Tag Archives: diaper

Babies are ticking time bombs…

I feel like I didn’t talk to enough people or do enough research about what having a baby is like. When it was harder than I had anticipated, frustration set in and made it that much more difficult mentally. So I’m here to share with you the healthy respect you should have for the job of parenting.

Expectations:
Having a baby is like having an alarm clock that goes off every one to two hours. You will never know exactly when it will go off, so you’re constantly anxious about whether the alarm is about to sound. Turning off the alarm involves a 45-60 minute task that involves poop, so you definitely don’t want to sleep walk through the task. If you don’t complete the task properly, you are likely to see the alarm go off sooner than you expect. Once the alarm is off, the waiting begins again for the next round.

I wish I had known more about the routine before getting thrown into the thick of things. It’s so much more difficult being defeated into the reality rather than understanding beforehand. Every book or article is going to tell you parenting is hard and tiring, but they don’t really give you any details on what it’s really like. I encourage you to talk to friends and family that have had kids in the past few years to really get a feel for what you’re getting into before you’re elbow deep in poop, wishing you had a time machine to go back to spay or neuter your past self.

Matt’s Big Book of Baby Crap

So the book title is a work in progress. In my very short experience (less than two weeks) as a father, there have been a lot of questions. Most of the questions are mine, asked to medical professionals and other parents while freaking out over how not to permanently damage my child. There is a lot to learn about parenting, but the amount of knowledge needed is overwhelming, and even if you learn a lot, someone will always disagree with you and say there’s a different and better way. I’ve decided to take these things I’ve learned and share them with the world in bite-sized chunks based on my experiences and what other people have taught me. Just remember one key thing when reading my advice.

Parents’ opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and no one thinks theirs stinks.

Clothing:
Kids grow super fast so don’t buy a lot of clothes in newborn size and definitely don’t buy winter newborn clothes if you’re expecting your child in the summer or vice versa.

Diaper changing is a constant task. Having to wrestle a onesie off in the middle of the night is a pain in the butt. Clothes with buttons from top to bottom are so much easier to get kids in and out of for diaper time.

That’s it for this time! Stay tuned for more!

Why is diaper technology so archaic?

Lately I’ve been getting horror stories about diapers leaking or poop explosions. Why aren’t we using technology to make baby waste removal easier? It’s ridiculous to think that the best way to see if my baby has soiled her diaper is to take a big whiff of her bottom.

I started looking into it. The technology already exists! It just needs to be reapplied.

This is the Koubachi Wi-Fi Plant Sensor. It’s a probe that is tied to your wireless network and can be read via browser or iPhone. It checks your plants for sunlight, temperature, moisture, and fertilizer. If we can monitor these things, it’s just a matter of reversing the reporting. We can get the sensor to tell us when the diaper has been watered or fertilized. Temperature is another double check for a soiled diaper. If the light sensor goes off, it means your baby has torn off the diaper and is running around naked. Sure we’d have to reengineer the design to make it less like an anal probe, but isn’t this more important than monitoring plants?

I’m also currently thinking up ways to handle the removal of waste. It involves a shop vac modification and a giant garbage bag. Once you suck away the poop, you can take the shop vac outside, put it in reverse, and you’ll have a lush garden blooming in no time.

I just need an engineer and programmer, and then it’s time to hit up Kickstarter for some funding. Who wants in on this project?