Tag Archives: college

My NCAA Football Garbage List

After watching over five hours of NCAA Football yesterday with my dad and friends, I’d like to share a few pearls of wisdom that no one cares about but me.

I don’t like USC, mostly because I am a Bruin. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

I hate Notre Dame. If they are playing, I want them to lose even if they’re playing USC. Notre Dame has an unfair advantage of a television contract with NBC. While that money can’t be spent directly on the players, their program can hire better coaching staff, have more state of the art training equipment, and give non monetary perks to the players like nicer dorms and textbooks. Until NBC stops its contact with Notre Dame, they will always be the team I want to lose. Fortunately their head coach sucks balls and hasn’t done shit with their program despite their monetary advantage.

Another thing that needs to be done is an academic standard needs to be set for student athletes or they need to stop being called students. I think it’s pathetic that any university would allow an individual onto the campus for a primary reason other than academics. Universities like Stanford and UCLA are at the top of the list of schools with high academic standards for their athletes. If you can’t keep the grades up, maybe you should keep your nose in the textbooks a little more and less in the playbook.

I can speak specifically for UCLA, because I stay on top of their recruiting. Take a look across the country and you’ll find kids who wanted to be Bruins, but UCLA turned them down for academic reasons. Just this season Tennessee’s interim president said, “When we lost to UCLA, we lost to a better academic institution, too.” Academics should never be an issue for athletes. Universities should be striving to give kids the best possible education. I guarantee you schools like Alabama, Florida, and Texas don’t turn down good athletes for academic reasons, which is absolutely a shame. They’re not doing any favors for the majority of the athletes who won’t make careers out of football.

The standard wouldn’t even have to be stringent. I understand that alumni don’t necessarily care about the genetic research being done on campus. They want to see athletic competitions, but would a minimum of two classes with a passing term average be too much to ask? This way each university could set it’s standards as to what is passing, but the athletes would be held to the same standards as any other student. If a university doesn’t care to set academics as its priority then that’s their choice, but they won’t last very long without students wanting to attend.

It’s time we level the playing field, while at the same time raising the bar for academic standards for our student athletes. It might save us from stupidity in the NFL with such gems as Michael Vick, Plaxico Buress, and Ray Lewis.

Flashback: 2002 and Before

Since I cleaned out a lot of my old pictures to clear up some room, I decided it might be fun to post some old pictures. Here is 2002 and before. Really it’s probably only as far back as 2001, because that’s when I got my first digital camera.

Econ Office (24)

I worked for the UCLA Department of Economics as a programmer/designer.

Apartment (22)

I lived in the loft of an apartment. I owned a lot of computer gear back then.

Apartment (84)

We decorated the place like bachelors. Those items hanging from the staircase are Nerf guns.


When the roommate left for a weekend, we filled his shower with packing peanuts.


We added some more peanuts and filled a friend’s car.


I used to play guitar.


I took a few deep sea fishing trips. “Nice circumcision. Where’d you get that done?”


On a whim, I convinced my coworker to skip work with me to get my brow pierced.


Guy made an unprotected left turn in front of me. They called it totaled, because of how old the car was, despite being in good shape still.


At least I got the other guy as good.

Summa Cum Laude = sk00L 1337

I almost flunked out of college freshman year. I won’t completely blame Quake 2, because if I didn’t have that I would have found something else to do instead of going to class. Still, if I had someone to kick my ass and tell me that I was heading for trouble, I would have been much better off. Actually if they just gave me grades for playing Quake 2, I would have been excellent.

That’s what they’re doing now at UC Berkeley. They have a lot of programs, where you can create your own curriculum. Personally I believe the intentions are good, but this is bullshit. They want to create a broad spectrum, where you can learn the things that interest you and hopefully apply them to make the real world better. Instead you probably get mostly jackasses earning credits off of goof off time.

I’d love to take a class on maintaining a planted aquarium or playing the ukulele. A unicycle riding course would be awesome. They could make it a two course series and add juggling to the second class. I’m pretty sure if these were courses, I would still find something else I would rather do and fail these too.

Sportsmanship is Lame

The big UCLA vs. USC game will be taking place this Saturday. Both teams will be making the cross town trek to the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, but UCLA is the home team.

In an effort to bring back an old tradition, USC coach Pete Carroll requested that the Trojans be allowed to wear their home jerseys so that both teams could be wearing their home team jerseys. Unfortunately for Carroll and his team, this will cost them a one timeout penalty to do this. They have opted to take this penalty and the Bruins coach, Rick Neuheisel, has offered to burn a timeout in an act of sportsmanship.

Are you kidding me? If UCLA wanted an even playing field, they should have USC burn all of their timeouts, play the game with nine players, and have all their receivers wear mittens. (You know, like gloves but with no individual fingers.)

UCLA’s slim chances of winning aside, it’s absolutely ridiculous that USC is allowed to break a rule to the game, just for tradition. It’s not like they have been wearing their home jerseys up until this season. They changed the rule in the 80’s! If they want to go back to tradition, they should go back to the goofy leather helmets and bring in cheerleaders with skirts down to their ankles.

I’m just pissed off, because the only excuse I can come up with for the pitiful play that will occur on Saturday is, “We’re more of a basketball school. Just think John Wooden.”

Report Cards vs. Quarterly Reviews

I was watching television the other day, and I saw a word pop up on the screen. Scantron. I stared at the screen. I know that word! Where do I know that word from? Is it some sort of tech firm that I read about in the news? After the commercial had long gone from the screen, I still sat there wondering.

Five minutes later, mouth still hanging open in stupidity, I realized. Scantron is that test format, where you fill out the bubbles with a #2 pencil. That just shows how long I have been out of school.

I miss school. While it often times seems pointless, that’s also the best part. There are no responsibilities. You don’t have to worry about anything but making new friends and seeing how much punishment your liver can take. Although it was fun, I remember thinking how hard it was to show up to class and take tests.

If I had a time machine, I’d go back in time and slap my whiney ass up side the head. Then I’d warn myself of the grim future, and advise myself to stay in school as long as possible. Also, I’d have to make sure I took a job at the time machine factory.

Just Like Poker

You have to live life like you play poker. Sometimes the chips are up, and sometimes the chips are down.

Chips for winners. That middle bag looks like a regular bag of tortilla chips.

Chips for losers. Come on, UCLA. Win and then I’ll buy these.

Virginity for Sale. Self Respect Thrown in Free.

I ran across this story a while ago, but I decided to write about it finally. A student that wants to get her master’s degree but doesn’t have the finances to go after it, will raise money by selling herself off at a brothel. I’d like to call a spade a spade and call her a hooker, but she is a virgin. She’s not a hooker until she gets her first sale.

If I am going to pay for any kind of services, I want a professional. Why would I pay good money to have some amateur fumble around figuring things out? Her sister sounds like she has more work experience.

In addition to the lack of mastery of the craft, she is hoping to have bids hit one million dollars. Perhaps she should have taken some more business/marketing classes instead of sitting in college talking about feelings.

Where Did the Fatties Go?

UCLA had its annual Undie Run (Semi NSFW) last month. How is is that there isn’t a fat person in these pictures? I’m not complaining, but with group shots I don’t think I saw one fat person. UCLA must be raising the bar for admission, or rather narrowing the doors.

All Nerds Can Swim

I have two cousins graduating from MIT this June and one more going in this fall. Yeah, they’re all pretty much going to eclipse me in the business world within six months out of school. That’s okay. I’m the funny cousin. Anyway, one thing I learned recently about MIT is that all of the students have to pass a swim test in order to graduate. They require two full laps around the perimeter of an Olympic-sized swimming pool without touching the bottom or the sides. I can think of a few of my friend that would not have degrees if they had to pass a swim test.

Still, I think it’s odd that a school that prides itself on its brain power would require a swim test to graduate. Pasty nerds don’t even like to get near the water whether it’s the beach or neighborhood pool. Computers don’t survive wet conditions. This makes me wonder how many MIT alumni are involved in drowning deaths each year.

I wonder if they offer swim tests between the months of November and February. That would be intense.

I Could’ve Used This in College

Scientists have come up with a nasal spray containing a hormone that relieves the effects of sleep deprivation in monkeys. No sleep? Just spray?

If it were a drug store shelf product, it would probably be expensive, so I would want to save it for only the most important times. No, I wouldn’t waste it on all those nights I stayed up writing lines of code until the sun came up. If I had this while at college, I would definitely have more stories about weekend trips to Vegas and Tijuana.