Tag Archives: calendar

Year of the Crappy Animal

Chinese New Year is coming up sometime soon I think. Can someone explain the Chinese zodiac to me? There are twelve animal signs, and you are assigned an animal based on your birth year. People born under the animal sign are supposed to have a certain personality type. That means everybody born the same year as me is going to have the same personality? The Chinese were able to build The Great Wall and yet this is the best they could come up with to explain personality traits? On top of that, look at the animals they chose.

monky.jpgLet’s start with the monkey, since this is the sign I am born under. Great choice here, China. Picking an animal that throws its own poo at people is a classy way to go. You may try to argue that these animals are smart beings, but monkeys also happen to drink their own urine and have horrible smelling rear ends. Assuming equal birth rates from year to year, one out of every twelve people is represented by this magnificent creature whose daily habits are closely tied to its bodily waste.

rooster.jpgpig.jpgmouse.jpgdog.jpgox.jpggoat.jpgsnake.jpghorse.jpgrabit.jpg

Here you have your choice of being a cock, a pig, a rat, a retarded looking dog, a cow, or a goat, a snake, a horse, or a rabbit that is drawn in a horribly racist fashion.

dragon.jpgtiger.jpg

The lucky ones get to be dragons or tigers, cool animals that can tear your innards open with one swipe of a claw, although both of these guys are drawn with a slightly autistic look to them.

I know these ideologies were formed long before the Communist Party took over China and censored everything liked a big public relations firm, but surely someone had to stop and think for a second, “This is going to make us look stupid to the rest of the world.”

Still, it’s better than being Japanese. They pee on people.

Aww Crap!

I was on the phone with a customer and told him we would get his units out tomorrow, so he should have them on Monday. He said, “You mean Friday. We should have them by Friday.” I scratched my head for a while and wondered why he thought he was going to receive his package the same day we shipped it. Then I looked down on my system tray and realized it’s only Wednesday! I have two more days of work! He totally ruined my day.