Category Archives: Uncategorized

More chins than a Chinese phone book.

I’m not by any means fat, but if you had to judge just based on my face you might think otherwise. I’ve just inherited my father’s lack of a jaw line so any weight shows very easily in my face. Every time I show up somewhere in my work clothes, someone always asks me if I’ve lost weight. That’s because my work pants I actually wear on my waist, and I tuck in my shirt. Perhaps it’s time for a wardrobe change, or maybe a jaw implant.

Think Jay Leno is willing to loan me some of his? Although I’d just be afraid he’d take it back after a few months.

Canada: America’s Hat

Back in World History in high school one of the projects we had to do was a Model United Nations conference. We chose countries at random and had to discuss different world issues using the point of view of our selected country. I got Canada for my country. My partner and I had no idea where to begin with our policies and agendas. This was before the days of Internet.

Countries like Iraq were easy. Just hold up a calculator and threaten to press the button to launch a missile. So we did what any students would do in our situation. We just decided not to say much, and when we were required to speak, just agree with everything America said or did. It worked like a charm.

Creatures of Habit

As humans we all get used to doing what is familiar to us. We get comfortable doing the same things over and over. There are restaurants that we frequent because we enjoy the food. We stick to certain products because they are what we have become accustomed to using. We say the same words and phrases over and over.

That’s got to affect blogging. Every time I get an idea that I want to blog I wonder to myself, “Have I already written about this?” I find myself having to search my own website to make sure that I haven’t written the exact same post before. The last thing I want is to sound like an old man, constantly telling kids to get off my lawn over and over while recounting stories of the good ole days to people that have absolutely no interest. How do you stay fresh with writing ideas?

After writing this I forgot to check whether I’ve blogged about this subject before. My apologies if it’s been done.

Just for Men

I cut my hair this week and while doing so I noticed how many gray hairs I have on my head. It’s better than being bald I guess, but I’m not even thirty! I pulled out more than a dozen, and I’m sure that wasn’t even half of them. (Yeah, I know that means I’m getting double that amount growing back.) I told my dad about my graying, and his response was “That’s probably good for business. People will take you more seriously since you won’t look like a kid.” Sure I will have a look of wisdom about me, but how am I going to make sales without my rugged, youthful looks?!

Maybe I should just start wearing hats.

Cut it out, California!

Not cool.

How my family does Christmas…

It’s Christmas morning. Our lights only went up less than a week ago. We have an artificial Christmas tree that never gets undecorated. It gets covered with a sheet and put away in a closet for the next year. That has only been up a couple of days, but it has never been plugged in once. There isn’t a single present in this house right now. This is how my family sees Christmas. No big deal.

It’s just enough to let you all know, we’re not Jewish. Merry Happy, everyone!

Popularity as Measured in Bacon

If you ever look in my parents’ freezer or fridge at any given time, there is no bacon in it. There is one exception. Whenever my brother is in town there is bacon. He will be home for Christmas and there is bacon in the fridge. FOUR PACKS OF BACON! I’d say she’s playing favorites here by giving him special treatment, but I have the family company and I’ve been living at home forever.

Still I might give it all up for bacon.

Avatar: Like Titanic but with Aliens

I got the chance to watch Avatar this weekend, and I suggest you go see it.

The story has been told before. The whole time I was thinking you could replace the aliens with Native Americans. I think most people would pass that over, because the graphics are so captivating. The landscapes are mesmorizing. I am not sure most people will notice the difference in the 3D technology, but it’s most noticeable in the eyes and faces of the aliens. They don’t looked glossed over like you’re seeing them through a layer of plastic. It’s much easier to get lost in the story when the visuals are so seamless.

Also, humanoid alien sex scene? Yes, please!

What I Learned This Weekend.

You know those spikes that are supposed to prevent you from going into the exit of parking lots? You can drive over this with your car without any problem as long as you go slowly. Your tires will climb on top of them like a curb and push them down. How do I know this? Rainy nights, no signs and two exits on one side of the parking structure one with the gate opened. Pretty much me not paying attention.

I’m not really advocating people go out and try this. The spikes are there for a reason. If you really want to get into a lot with spikes, take a piece of wooden board with you and get your friends to hold them down.

Alcohol is my Anti-Drug

I was sent this story about an invention that is going to change our lives forever. Vodka pills! Probably the greatest selling point of this is obvious. No peeing! Now you can party all night long without spending half the night waiting in line for the bathroom.

It might be harder to pick up girls with the line, “Can I buy you some pills?” I also foresee a lot of very mad people on the town when they realize they brought Smarties to the party instead of their vodka pills.

At least you can finally call your drinking problem a drug problem. It sounds way more edgy.