It’s a well known fact that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are two of the world’s richest men. Some people also know that they are not giving the majority of their fortunes as an inheritance to their children. They are donating most of it to charity both now and after they leave this earth. Now they are encouraging other wealthy Americans to do the same with The Giving Pledge. They’re specifically targeting billionaires, probably because it’s probably too tough to get rappers to commit to the pledge because they need icy hot chains. Cash Money Millionaires, you’re safe. But they’re coming for you Oprah, Walmart family, and Google executives!
I have to say it’s refreshing to know that there are people that understand the limits of wealth. When you have so much wealth that there’s no way you can possibly spend it all, giving it away is a sight I welcome. Good for anyone that commits to this pledge. I hope one day to be able to commit to such a noble cause, because that also means I will be so filthy, stinking rich that I won’t know what to do with my money. Right now just being filthy and stinking doesn’t cut it.
Me: Did you know laundry is $2.25 per load to wash and dry in my building? Do you want to make $2.25 per load of laundry?
Mom: That’s just to use the machines. That’s not including detergent and dryer sheets.
Me: Okay, well then how does $2.50 sound. That includes folding and delivery, right?
Mom: Delivery fees are high.
Me: You deliver food already to work. Let’s just use the same courier.
I think I’m just going to sneak in and do my laundry when they’re not around. My laundry will be free until they change the locks on me.
We’re living in the apartment now, but up until today our apartment activity has been limited by the pieces of furniture we own. Our activity has pretty much consisted of sitting in the bed and surfing the Internet. That’s why this weekend was spent looking for furniture, primarily a couch. That way we can spend our time surfing the Internet from the couch instead.
After visiting what feels like a million stores, we still do not have a couch. We have a deposit on one but it’s not coming in until late June. That might be kind of a long time to wait for a couch. Does anyone have a place to get furniture that’s not shitty and not going to cost me an arm and a leg?
The good news is we found a new bed set! It wouldn’t be stereotypical if we were to buy this. It would actually be just plain weird.
So I’ve spent a couple nights in my new apartment. Here is what I’ve learned thus far.
- Both Trader Joe’s and the bank are within walking distance. I hate walking anywhere, but I think it will become part of my regular routine.
- Buying beer without knowing if you have a bottle opener is dumb. When you are without a bottle opener, you will desperately try anything that has a remote chance of working, from oven racks to pliers.
- If you buy only a bottle opener and a Toblerone, the cashier at Trader Joe’s will give you funny looks.
- Trader Joe’s has it’s own beer they call Trader Jose. I have a 6-pack in my fridge now because I was curious. Has anyone else tried this?
- There are about a dozen visible access points viewable from my apartment. Two are open without any security. The other ten I think I can crack within a week. I will try later.
- Both Michelle and I are okay with having wine and beer in the apartment but no food as long as we have Internet.
- The drive to my office is an additional ten minutes, but I think I can do some alternate routes to cut it back down to my normal commute.
More life lessons to come. Man it’s been a long time since I’ve lived out of my parents’ place.
Sometimes Michelle talks nonsense. I let her go off on her tangents and nod my head with a blank stare. Today, I’m not sure what started her off, but I decided to respond.
Michelle: Do you think we should adopt a Chinese baby?
Me: No, I don’t want a chinese baby. Maybe we can make a blonde one?
It could be a recessive gene, right?
I think my fuel tank is sixteen gallons. Yesterday I filled up my car at the gas station, and the meter read 15.999 gallons. It made me really happy, like I came out on top for knowing exactly how far I could drive before filling up. Or like the time I prepaid for my tank of gas in a rental car and used every single last drop. It’s these little things in life that make you feel like sometimes you’re winning at life. We need these things to keep us going.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hide some twenty dollar bills in my winter clothes. Once the weather gets cold, I’m going to be a big winner.
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Tagged car, gas
I have been dieting and exercising in the past three months in a competition with my coworkers to lose the highest percentage of weight. I’m not some calorie counter that has been counting every grain of rice. Weekends have been for me to eat whatever I want, including all-I-did-eat Korean BBQ. I checked my weight and I’m down twelve pounds! Hell yeah! That’s impressive for me especially since I’ve put on some muscle too. Who knew that my chest was screwed on upside down this whole time? The final weigh in is tomorrow. I’m not sure if I’m going to win, but I feel pretty good about my efforts and results so far.
Still it wouldn’t hurt to pad the results. Is anyone a doctor that wants to draw a few pints of blood from me tonight? I’ll split the winnings with you.
It was about two years ago that I switched from regular Coke to Diet Coke. Now I’ve given up soda completely. There’s no particular reason for it other than thinking it’s probably healthier to drunk water. I can honestly say I don’t miss it.
What other vices can I give up? No, beer is not an option. Beer is the nectar of the gods and makes me irresistible and charming to the whole world.
“You shouldn’t be wearing makeup. Makeup is for the ugly girls to even the playing field.”
“If the barn needs painting, you paint it. Just don’t build the barn out of paint.”
Four years ago Saint Patrick’s Day fell on a Friday. By around noon it became clear to me that my friends in Los Angeles weren’t coming with plans to celebrate. So I booked a ticket for San Francisco and left with the clothes on my back. It was a drunken, dirtbag filthy weekend. I had a blast.
I wish the Chinese had holidays celebrated by drinking. Then I could be in tune with my culture instead of the guy who is looking to use other people’s cultures to binge drink. Until then I’m Irish today and Mexican on the 5th of May.
Hello, there. My name is Matt, but on this website I just refer to myself as m@. I love all things Star Wars, food, beer, and music, especially The Beatles. I'm one who likes to be noticed and will sometimes say or do inappropriate things to get your attention. I'm perfectly complimented by my online and real life partner